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PROMETHEUS is perfect

PROMETHEUS is a perfect film...unless you're a fool

This has become one of the most polarizing films in the past few years and nothing is more trendy than hating Prometheus. No one has any original reasons for hating it, its always the same recycled list. Before you claim that proves they're legitimate reasons, shut up; you're nothing more than a pretentious hipster adopting a joke as logical beliefs...basically: you're a fool.

In reality, people hate Prometheus for one of (or all) 3 reasons: They were expecting a typical ALIEN film, chock full of xenomorphs; they're completely ignorant about true film-making, so they need everything explained to them, a la Ice-T's character in Law & Order SVU; or they went into it so ready to pick it apart, they failed to actually pay attention to the film. In all cases, you are WRONG. It is not the filmmakers job to cater to your specific needs...especially if you're an idiot.

WARNING: The rest of this article contains SPOILERS. But really, you should have watched this movie by now!

First, lets count the supposed "plot-holes" everyone complains about: 0. That's right, none! There's nothing in the film that isn't perfectly explained onscreen, they're just either explained visually or as piece of the puzzle when viewing the movie as a whole, not scene by scene. 

The opening scene. Everyone is so confused by the engineer sacrificing himself to become the catalyst of human evolution. Why is this so hard to understand!? His ship is nothing like the ships they find later, so he's obviously not one of "those" engineers. His kind uses the "goo" technology to create life, while the engineers we meet later use it to create weapons, (much like humanity and technology). I thought this was painfully obvious, but there was no Ice-T character to help explain it to everyone. In case you think you're so intelligent and this simply doesn't make sense to your oh so scientific mind, remember this: this genius that discovered DNA, also believes humans originate from alien space sperm that hitched a ride to earth on a comet. Yep.

Then the brilliant scene with David alone on the ship. This seen 100% explains EVERYTHING David does for the rest of the film. "Why did David do this or that?" Refer to that scene, you moron. He's been studying ancient languages believed to originate from the engineers language: explaining how he was able to read and understand everything on the ship. He was obsessed with Shaw, even watching her dreams: which gave him a curiosity about God and life when your father is out of the picture. Lastly (and most important), his obsession with Lawrence of Arabia; which specifically says the line, "You pretend it doesn't hurt": perfectly explaining David's actions vs his programming throughout the movie;  he's constantly abused and forced to care for people that have utter disdain for his very existence, but he has to pretend it doesn't hurt. So why does he poison Holloway? Again, moron, refer to David's first scene. Holloway constantly mocks David, even treating him like a slave, Shaw loves Holloway and David is obsessed with Shaw, and the two most obvious reasons: Weyland TOLD David to test it on a human and Holloway all but volunteered for it when he told David he was willing to do anything to get answers. How did David know Shaw & Holloway would have sex? He didn't, that was just a happy coincidence on his part, BUT: He did obsess over Shaw's dreams (there had to be some Holloway sex dreams), Holloway was wasted...I'm sure David knew there was a good chance of sex.

Also, did you notice that David was perfectly designed to look like a cross between Charlize Theron and Guy Pearce? No, of course you didn't...you didn't notice anything else!

Why did Vickers have an operation unit calibrated for males, even though she's a woman. More proof that you're stupid. It was for Peter Weyland, who couldn't care less about his daughter.

How did the hologram of Weyland know where Shaw was sitting? What? You didn't see David tell them to specifically sit in that exact chair? He did. 

Why was the biologist afraid of the giant alien corpse, but not of the penis worm? Uhhh...what? When was he ever afraid of the giant alien corpse???? He was practically face down in it with curiosity!!! Then why did he leave so urgently? Has the film clearly portrayed earlier, he was desperately trying to be friends with the geologist, the "cool" guy; so when the geologist finally invited him somewhere, even to leave, the nerdy biologist was all about it. Duh.

Why were all the other engineers trying to get into one room, but one was trying to get into another? What was so different about him? At the beginning of the original ALIEN, we see an engineer corpse with his chest burst out (psst, from a xenomorph); and in Prometheus, we see a pile of engineer corpses...with their chests burst out (again, from a xenomorph), sooooo obviously that last engineer ran away from the death dealing monster and tried to hide in another room. Embarrassed that I even had to explain that one.

Why was the engineer trying to release the goo onto earth? In the giant head goo room, there was a religious carving of a xenomorph queen cradling a xenomorph. These engineer worshiped their weapon and his mission was to release it onto earth, making a planet full of them. 

How could our DNA perfectly match theirs after zillions of years of evolution? Then ask how could a spaceship travel across the cosmos, using hyper-sleep for its crew and have a perfect humanoid robot? If you have such a problem with the DNA part, then you should have walked out 5 minutes into the film when they showed a spaceship.

Lastly, why did the xenomorph that came out at the end look so different? Was it the first one and will evolve into the kind Ripley fights? Is it a queen? If I pour salt in my eye, will it hurt? The one thing ALIEN 3 did right was show that xenomorphs have the characteristics of whatever life-form they incubate in; in Alien 3's case, a dog. We also saw what a queen xenomorph looks like when it burst out Ripley's chest. So, no, it wasn't a pre-evolution xeno or a queen: it had the characteristics of its host: an engineer, a perfect being.

Everything being said about Prometheus, was also said when ALIEN and BLADE RUNNER premiered and now they're regarded as classics, while we joke about how ignorant their audiences must have been. So if there's any more questions you trendy, pretentious ignoramuses wish to "challenge" me with regarding Prometheus, please comment and I will further prove how foolish you really are; but first, I strongly suggest you watch it again...actually WATCH it.